The other day we were reading on yet another wonderful woman's blog "Life of a recovering addict" by ChelsieCharmed and her post on "Methadone: Love Hate Relationship" made me think about what we have gone through.Your Friends in the maze,
" Its ironic how the one thing that freed me is also keeping me trapped, but honestly it could be worse at least now my minds my own and I have a chance at life" Qouted from ChelseaCharmed 's post.
She wrote of the love hate relationship you sometimes feel while on methadone and we just wanted to write about this struggle.
The truth is that yes you do feel this. Alot. You wonder if it was the right decision and with all the stigma you are faced with, it really can play on your mind and you begin to question whether or not you did the right thing. We speak about this in our post "Is Methadone Bad "
Everyone chooses a recovery method and they may not always be right for some people, this is no reason to speak badly about that recovery option because it didn't work out for you.It may of saved other people's lives. Just as methadone has done for us and many people we know. I wish N/A wasn't so judgemental of methadone patients, we are in recovery too! I will save this debatable subject for a future post though.
Some days we question whether or not this is for us, and you know what "Yes it is for us" we have our lives back, we have relapsed less times on methadone than on any other type of treatment. Most relapses happened in the beginning when we were still trying to adjust to the dose that was right for us. You have a chance to start picking up the pieces of your life, you have a chance to work-out the inner trauma which may of caused your addictions all these years, withdrawal is put on hold and you can slowly come down at your own rate when you are ready. Keyword you, your journey, about you, your life, about what's right for you and nobody else.
Yes there are days when you want to throw it to the wayside and there are days where your side effects may feel worse than ever and make you think 'what a stupid thing I did getting on this methadone', but when you step back and realize that you were in a much darker place before and what it felt like while you were there, you quickly change your mind.
Recovery is difficult no matter what method you have chosen for yourself. you will have days of confusion, days of pain and discomfort. We are on a huge journey of discovery of who we are, where we are going and why it is we want to get there. Everybody is different and their why's and how's will be different.
If you want this journey to be successful, you must be willing to face and feel the discomfort that may come with it. As addicts we never want to deal with pain and discomfort, so we run to anything that will take it away for us, even if temporarily, but fact being, we must face it at one point or we will forever more be caught in the webs of a nowhere life and forever unhappy.
Due to the stigma that surrounds methadone, you try to quickly come down when you are not ready and this leads to being in extreme pain and the possibility of relapsing. Only when you feel you have reached a good place emotionally & mentally where you are now stronger than ever before and have worked through all the issues you have held onto for far too long, will you be ready to slowly wean yourself off methadone. Never let anyone rush your recovery efforts and never allow someone to make you feel that you should force yourself away from what is working for you.
"Good things require effort and determination" Qouted from ChelseaCharmed's post.
Have any of you felt this love/hate relationship with your recovery? Has stigma ever made you question if you were doing the right thing? If so please share your story with us!
We love hearing from you all! No Judgements are ever made here!